Body Safety Blog

Answering Inevitable Questions

How would your parents have reacted if you had asked them this question? Maybe something like 'Why the heck are you asking about that?', or 'Where did you hear that dirty phrase?' or "Don't be asking about things like that?" in either angry, panicked, or shameful tones!

When I was a kid/tween or teen, I knew that asking my mom ANYTHING that had to do with S.E.X. was OFF THE TABLE. No, sir, was I going to raise my mom's wrath!

And also, I figured she might not even know because she NEVER talked about sex.

But I knew, from the start of having kids, that I didn't want to be that way. I knew that I wanted to raise my kids in a sex-positive home that was safe and trustworthy.

That's easy on paper.

It's a nice picture in my head.

The reality (once I had kids) is that it felt scary AF (if I'm being honest).

Fortunately, I've had experts like Melissa Carnagey of Sex Positive Families and Amy Lang of Birds Bees and Kids, help me learn ...

 A concerned mother direct messaged me on Instagram a few days ago, saying this:

“Hey Rosalia, 

 

I have been working on setting boundaries re:consent/abuse prevention for a while now and recently tried to set a boundary with family members asking that they consult with us before purchasing gifts for our kids. 

 

My MIL had a very strong reaction to this request and had tried to pushback ever since. 

 

I’ve had people tell me I’m being rude for asking this of my family members but in my mind this is a way to prevent manipulation tactics and model what safe adults look like for our kids. 

 

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything you’d suggest with regards to how I could explain this boundary better for family members and friends who may be having a hard time with it?”

Here’s what I answered:

First, I praised her for setting the boundary. For one, it’s her child and her family's rules.

Second, I asked her if she had explained the concept of grooming to her...

Beth Robinson, author of the book "Protecting Children from Predators" says this about how to determine if your child is ready for sleepovers:

• “Are your children old enough to recognize when someone is trying to engage them in inappropriate sexual behavior? The younger the child, the greater the risk when you let them attend a sleepover. Younger children won’t recognize a risky situation until it is too late.”
• “Are your children assertive enough to draw attention to inappropriate overtures from other children or adults? Some children have the confidence to yell or push away someone who makes them uncomfortable, while others are too timid to try to stop an adult or older child from hurting them. No child should attend a sleepover who lacks the confidence and assertiveness to rebuff inappropriate sexual behavior.”
•  “Will your children call you if something unsafe happens at a sleepover? Some children are easily influenced by peers and won’t tell parents if something goes wrong.”
• “H
...

In U.S. law, there is a clear distinction between 1st-degree murder, 2nd-degree murder, and manslaughter.

You can also say that they are all the same thing because someone was killed in all those situations.

This is how many are currently using the word grooming- as if it encapsulates many cultural issues today.

The main distinction between 1st-degree murder, 2nd-degree murder, and manslaughter is their intent.

In law, the intent is everything.

Same with grooming and why defining this clearly is so important.

If we don't have a clear definition, we can call everything grooming.

The broad term 'grooming' means to 'prepare someone for something'. But if you are going to say that children are being sexually groomed, then we must be specific about how that word is being applied.

My issue is that child sexual grooming means a very specific thing, but the term #groomer is being applied very broadly. The word grooming loses its meaning.

And if that is the ...

For many parents, the end of the calendar year is full of celebration for the holidays, but shortly after is the beginning of a new school year! Usually, this is for parents of young children who are entering school for the very first time.

Understandably, many parents trust schools to be safe spaces. That is what is sold to parents as the 'tradition' that is school.

But how exactly can you be so sure? How can we make sure that schools are following proper safety policies and procedures, and who determines those policies and procedures?

I know as a mom of three, having children in the school system, that I have received the school handbook, which typically has a short section on child safety.

Some schools have a separate child safety handbook, but it's still full of basics that are mostly, so parents have information about what's expected of their child and what the school rules are.

It doesn't typically go in depth about how they make sure that staff are safe persons (we assume t...

It's that time of year when schools/teachers/daycares host 'secret santa' activities.

This can be LOTS of fun for little ones, but it's also a great opportunity to educate the adults in your child's life about "Secrets Safety".

Here's a letter you can send to your schools principal and/or teacher.

I recommend BOTH.

And here's what you can say:

Hi [Principal's Name],

PLEASE HELP BY SIGNING OUR G7 #BEBRAVE PETITION. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE.

My name is Rosalia and I'm a survivor of childhood sexual violence.

I started this petition with 8 other survivors from the Brave Movement.

We are 9 survivors of childhood sexual violence from G7 countries and beyond. We are urgently calling on leaders of the world’s richest countries to take bold and transformative action when they meet in June to end childhood sexual violence -- so that what happened to us never happens to another child.

Childhood sexual violence is a global scourge, which at least one in five girls and one in ten boys experience.  It has devastating long-term consequences for children, families, and societies.  And the COVID pandemic has exposed children to even greater risk.

Childhood sexual violence is happening now, in silence, in every nation. In family homes, sports, schools, and places of worship. Also across borders, in the form of online abuse, trafficking, and sexual exploitatio...

Rosalia 00:02 

Alyssa Milano is joining me today. I'm so excited, everyone! Thanks for being here, it is Rosalia Rivera. I'm back for another live with Consent Parenting. I'm so excited that you're here because I am thrilled to be joined today by Alyssa Milano. Does she really need an introduction? I will leave that open because you know, she is just... I've been, you know, following her since I was a kid. She's an incredible actress, producer, activist, advocate, mother, author. She's just doing amazing things in the world. And I'm just so grateful that she's taking the time to join me today. When we see her she's here. Yay. Happy to have her and to talk about what we're going to be talking about today. Oh, let me see me. Sure. There we go. Hi. How are you? 

Alyssa Milano 00:59 

I'm good. How are you? 

Rosalia 01:01 

I'm great. I'm excited. You've made my day. You've made my week, you've made my month. 

Alyssa Milano 01:05 

Oh you're so sweet, thank you so much. I'm excited to ...

Private part safety has many facets. I'll be sharing more about the nuances and intricacies that can help make teaching private part safety less stressful and more comprehensive.⁠⁠
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If you have a toddler, you'll want to check out my upcoming workshop that is specifically for parents in this stage and who are wanting to teach private part safety.⁠⁠

Have you started teaching private part safety and did you know to teach about private part exposure?⁠⁠
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