Sorry Not Sorry With Alyssa Milano, Actor, Producer, Mother + Author

Rosalia 00:02 

Alyssa Milano is joining me today. I'm so excited, everyone! Thanks for being here, it is Rosalia Rivera. I'm back for another live with Consent Parenting. I'm so excited that you're here because I am thrilled to be joined today by Alyssa Milano. Does she really need an introduction? I will leave that open because you know, she is just... I've been, you know, following her since I was a kid. She's an incredible actress, producer, activist, advocate, mother, author. She's just doing amazing things in the world. And I'm just so grateful that she's taking the time to join me today. When we see her she's here. Yay. Happy to have her and to talk about what we're going to be talking about today. Oh, let me see me. Sure. There we go. Hi. How are you? 

Alyssa Milano 00:59 

I'm good. How are you? 

Rosalia 01:01 

I'm great. I'm excited. You've made my day. You've made my week, you've made my month. 

Alyssa Milano 01:05 

Oh you're so sweet, thank you so much. I'm excited to be here with you. Let me try to poke this up a little bit. So it's a little bit... 

Rosalia 01:12 

I know, all these, all the ways that Instagram tries to make it work with with these lives. You know, I'm excited about your book. 

Alyssa Milano 01:23 

Oh, good. Good. Good. 

Rosalia 01:26 

Yeah, so um, you know, I like, first of all, thank you for taking the time welcome to Consent Parenting. And thanks for taking the time to be with me today. I know you're a busy, busy woman. But I'm excited to dive into all the things you just always doing amazing work. You know, first of all, congratulations on your Netflix movie Brazen. 

Alyssa Milano 01:49 

Thank you. 

Rosalia 01:50 

Yeah, so I to be honest, I normally don't watch True Crime style movies, because I deal with so much violence as it is. 

Alyssa Milano 01:58 

Yeah, yeah. 

Rosalia 01:59 

And so but I really enjoyed watching this because there were like, it was like fun trying to figure out who you know, who did it. So it was kind of a nice, like, revisit to that kind of genre... 

Alyssa Milano 02:11 

You don't watch any any true crime stuff? 

Rosalia 02:15 

Not much, I used to. But just because I'm always dealing with research that I do, which kind of feels like I'm always in it. 

Alyssa Milano 02:24 

That's I feel like that's kind of the I feel like that's kind of why women like true crime so much is 

That's I feel like that's kind of the I feel like that's kind of why women like true crime so much is because it's literally what we have to deal with every day. Yes, that it's that, you know, putting your your keys in your knuckles when you go to a [inaudible] at night. Because you're not safe. 

Like that's, that's our lives, you know. So I think that's the reason why women just dig true crime. It's like the it's it's like the revenge. Right, like... 

Rosalia 02:58 

Right, right. Well, and what was interesting too, for me is so not, you know, not to give spoilers, but it's interesting, because the plot, you know, without giving away spoilers, but there's, there's been some crimes in the last, I would say, six months to a year of like murders with like, only fans influencers that have, you know, they kind of parallel with what happens in the film. And so it was, you know, something that I hope gets more attention through the film, you know, to spotlight this kind of thing. And for influencers, also to be more aware of the kind of information that can be out there about you. And, you know, so there's, there were a lot of things that for me, had some connections in that way that I found was interesting. I also enjoy... 

Alyssa Milano 03:48 

How technology is impacting every single part of our lives. It is infiltrating in the most seemingly innocent ways. You know, my daughter was telling me this story yesterday about other kids in school they were talking about, and I swear to you, she said, In the good old days. She said, In the good old days, Siri, she wasn't, you know, she wasn't around. And then the Siri picked up from the classroom. And she's like, that's right. Siri wasn't invented until. And so she was telling the story. And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's a funny story, Bella, but that's also a totally horrifying story. Yeah, I think it's I started you know, you have kids now and you're trying to figure out and I know you know this because this is what you do for a living but you're trying to figure out like, when is the right age for Social Media? Like I'm not even sure 49 is the right age for social media. So, but my son is an athlete. So it has been suggested that we start a social media page for him that, you know, we control and manage, so that scouts and stuff can see his his work. I literally, he's only being followed by my closest friends, because I'm just so terrified of what could happen. But also, I'm smart, because on his account, I'm tricking the algorithm. Like, I'm, I'm just liking puppy videos from out. I'm liking hearts, you know, baseball videos like so when I do eventually, hand over that account. It's gonna be a lot of puppies and baseball. 

Rosalia 05:51

Well, that's a smart way to do it. And the thing is that it's so new for everyone. I actually just saw a BBC article today about Roblox, and how there are all of these sort of, you know, rooms that are called condos, which are actually the sex games that parents don't know about, and they look like just regular games, kids enter them, and they don't know. And so there's, you know, there's a lot of things that we have to get ourselves up to speed, you know, when it comes to that. But, you know, as it relates to the film that you made, I thought that that was such an interesting parallel to what's really happening in the world. And how young adults who are entering these spaces, like only fans, may not be coming into it with the education that 

they need to be safe about how they navigate those spaces, you know, so I thought that was an interesting sort of connection and parallel to the work that I do you know, and watching that film, so... 

Alyssa Milano 06:44 

Well... 

Rosalia 06:44 

Congratulations on that. 

Alyssa Milano 06:46 

Thank you! 

Rosalia 06:46 

Yeah, I thought that's great. Well, what I really wanted to talk with you about was your book, because when I read it, I actually listened to it on audio, which I loved because you read it. But then I had to get a copy a hard copy, because I had to, like take all these notes that I wanted to highlight. Because there's so many things and I'm just gonna read a quick list just to name a few. And then maybe we can unpack some of them. But you talked about your generalized anxiety disorder, which I also have. So I found that really helpful that you were able to share that openly. You have a chapter on believe women, and you know, how you know, your involvement in amplifying the MeToo hashtag and its significance and believing survivors. Dr. Christine Blasi Ford and Brett Kavanaugh and Tara Reid. Like that was all in one chapter. What true ally ship looks like which you know, like your first steps in early lessons in that will really, I think inspiring for anyone who reads it. So I really love that chapter, the birth of your son, Milo, and how triggering and hard that was. And I think for any parent who had a difficult birth, like I did as well, I also related, it's important, you know, especially as a survivor to understand how those things can be like, it's like people are in there. You know, and if you're not used to that you're not prepared for it. Like, you know, so I love how you shared that experience. You talk about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, her legacy, misogyny, the patriarchy, like how that's impacting boys and men and how that impacts rape culture. Racism, you know, you talk about that, and how, you know, really we can all like how we can all be responsible to and especially those with white privilege, to dismantle it, you know, what we can do so I loved how much you dedicated in the book to that global stewardship, your role in UNICEF as a UNICEF ambassador, your conversation with an anti abortion activist and like the perspective of the harm for those who have gone through sexual violence was really important for me as well. And I love your love letter to your daughter, like that just was super like that was just gave me hope for humanity. There's so much more. I mean, your book is amazing. I just loved reading it. And you're you're unapologetic rawness, you know, which obviously highlighted the the title of the book. And just, you know, sharing your truths as your guideposts. You know, and, and I think that that was just 

what helped me realize how helpful this book could also be for survivors. And so that was why I wanted to, you know, bring you on and talk about that. And so first of all, thank you for writing it and sharing, you know, so much about yourself through the book. So let's say that first... 

Alyssa Milano 06:48 

Thank you so much. 

Rosalia 09:37 

Yeah. So I would love to know, which were your favorite chapters to write, which were the hardest ones. And why? 

Alyssa Milano 09:49 

You know, when I, when I first signed this book deal with Dutton, it was well before the pandemic, so it was going to be a book of essays just about my activism, and then the pandemic hit. And as I started to write, it felt like I wasn't being fully honest. Because my, I was being impacted so much by the pandemic, because I'm, I am a long hauler, I had Alpha, at the very, very beginning that I felt like it needed to, I needed to find the reflection of my life in the activism. And so that's sort of why there's like, it's an essay structure. And it is many thoughts, and not really a single thought. Because at the time, we were feeling many things, not just a single thing. And it reminded me so much of, you know, you know, that feeling after you give birth and you're in like that postpartum, you don't have to have depression or anxiety, but just that postpartum place of like, you don't see anybody else. You don't do anything else. 

Rosalia 11:12 

Yeah. 

Alyssa Milano 11:13 

Everything your life revolves around this baby, you know, and I felt that this, that the lockdown experience was very reminiscent of that postpartum experience. So it brought up a lot of I had postpartum anxiety, it brought up a lot of a lot of things for me. And so I don't know, I just, I just 

sat down and wrote, and I think, you know, I think it's apparent the, the chapters that are harder for me to, to write, because I think I wrote them a little bit more delicately, almost. And that wasn't, that wasn't for fear of, you know, it wasn't about being apologetic, it was more about like, for my own well being, I needed to delicately dive into these areas. And I think, you know, the book reflects, in some spots, this just this passion for life and this joyfulness and this passion for my life. And so I would say like, the chapter the the letter to my daughter still gets me every time I read it. 

Rosalia 12:33 

It honestly made me cry. 

Alyssa Milano 12:35 

Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, that the thing that was just so our watchers, understand the thing that was so important to me about that, and it became important about the whole book actually, is that we are, history is going to teach us certain things about this time. But I wanted to give my kids our history, during this time, didn't want our history during this time to be forgotten about and overshadowed by the hardship that we faced, you know, as a, very socially, politically, as a family and so that the, that letter to my daughter is really about, like, you're going to hear a lot about all these hardships, but here are the good things about this, that happened. And I don't want you to forget about the beauty, you know, of, of having a rock concert over zoom with our relatives in New York and, you know, your, your and getting dressed up and using a broom as a air guitar, and, you know, like, just things that were so just big. And I'm just so afraid that those memories will get lost. 

Rosalia 13:57 

Yeah, because there was there was a lot I mean, there's just the world feels like it's just chaos constantly. And I think it was beautiful, you know, to to keep, like, contain that too, right? Like there's all of these, these issues, but there's also all this beauty and there's there's these reasons to remain hopeful, you know, which was what I think we need right now is is like that hope that we're doing we're we're going through these challenges and struggles because there is light at the end of the tunnel. And I think that that was one of the things that I was left with, you know, that I really loved about the book is that there it wasn't just like here's all of these like horrible things and why we need to be activist but also because there's all this beauty in the world. And this is why we also need to, you know, support each other like you know, you talk about that in the book too, of coming together and why divisiveness is not going to serve anyone you know, so I just I really appreciate it and... 

Alyssa Milano 14:59 

 I like having hope that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And I would even, I would even just push back with that and just say, there's light in everything there's like there might not be, the reality is there might not be an end to this tunnel. So when you find the light, true, true. So, you know, I think, you know, as soon as I have life figured out, something happens, you mess with my head, you know. So it's really for me, just finding, finding the light in moments. Yeah. Because I don't I don't I don't know, if we don't know. We don't we don't know what what the next 50 years has for us. 

Rosalia 15:47 

 Yeah, absolutely. And I think that also starting the book with talking about anxiety, because that's something that I grapple with. And I think a lot of people who have it, especially right now, may feel kind of alone in that. And it's to say, you know, even if you have this right, and 

we're all working through this together, you're not alone in that experience. And there's nothing to be ashamed of with that experience, you know, so... 

Alyssa Milano 16:14  

I would even ask, it is, if you would look at it as it is your body doing what it thinks it's supposed to be doing to save you. 

Rosalia 16:24 

Yeah. 

Alyssa Milano 16:26 

You know, and it took me a long time to figure that out. But yeah, anxiety is no fun. Now, mental health issues are really a really tough and we have not figured out a way in this country to, to help people. I think that the stigma is starting to get raised a little bit around it, but not enough. Surely, no, no, no.. 

Rosalia 16:53 

But I think I think, you know, someone with your platform and your voice, being able to share about that helps to dismantle that stigma, right. And so that's why I really deeply appreciated that. Because I didn't even realize I had it until many years later. And I just was always like, what is wrong with me that I felt like, I couldn't cope with some things, you know, and especially as a survivor and trying to do work that can be very triggering it, you know, it's a challenge. And so it's just, it was like, reassuring, you know, to like, Oh, my God, someone who I just go, oh, it's Alyssa Milano is also struggling with that. And not even just struggling, but like, look, has learned to manage it and power through it and be able to, you know, talk about it, I think was really like empowering in and of itself. So again, thanks... 

Alyssa Milano 17:41 

I mean, some some days, I can't deal. I'll be honest, some days, I can't deal and that's, you know, I'm not ashamed to say that those are the days that I rely on anti anxiety meds. Yeah, I think it's, it's real important to also destigmatize the thing that helps people which is, which is medication. There's such a, I mean, I think my parents generation thinks that being on something for anxiety, it means that you're less than, you know, whereas we need to start looking at it as if you had a problem with your heart, you would take heart medication. Exactly. If you have something going on with your brain. You take brain make medication, which is you know, oftentimes an anti depressant, anti-depressant or an anti-anxiety med. 

Rosalia 18:31 

Right, right. Exactly. I 100% agree. And that's, again, what? Well, I'm just gonna put this back up here again, because I want to make sure everybody gets a copy of this. And it's, it's just has so many great pieces to it. And I just, I also love how candid you are, you know, in the way that you the way that you share, like that was just fun. Like it's light in that way. Also, it doesn't feel like a heavy read you know? 

Alyssa Milano 18:59 

It was someones job to see how many how many times I say the F word in the book 43 it's times. 

Rosalia 19:07 

It actually seems like more but that's what I think that was one of the things that I enjoyed, you know, because we just, it's like, it's real, you know, and this is, this is what I really loved because it's unapologetic, and I just love that about it. But so that was one amazing project. And then another reason why I wanted to bring you on was the the fact that you you know, are executive producing a film, a documentary, which is out in theaters right now being screened and I think it's coming out in in March, I'm actually going to be doing a moderating the Vancouver screening, which I'm very excited about. And so I wanted to talk about that. So you know, your your role as executive producer, the the documentary film that we're talking about, by the way, Surviving Traffic for those who are... Surviving Trafficking For those who haven't listened to my podcast episodes, to shout out to the podcast episode where I had Sadhvi Anubhuti and Sadhvi Siddhali Shree who are the directors of the first documentary, which was called StoppingTrafficking, which is, you know, it's a film that highlights the issue, the global issue of sex trafficking, the struggles, you know, that that they're going through. And this second film is now about surviving it. So this is about those who have survived trafficking who, you know, have either gotten out or trying to get out, and are trying to stay out. Right. And, and I think that's really an important angle that not a lot of people have talked about that have highlighted. So I think it's a really important documentary. And I would love to know, first of all, how you found out about the film, like what got you interested in becoming an executive producer, and why this issue matters to you? 

Alyssa Milano 21:02 

You know, I think because so often, when we think about sex trafficking, we think of it as an issue in developing nations, and not here in the United States. And so I was struck by their first their first movie, first of all, they're great filmmakers. They're just really compelling. And for anyone who doesn't know, they are Jain monks, and they are really just incredibly special. And I think the way in which they tell these stories are is very real and grounded. And devastating, but also allows, they're not being manipulative at all, it allows the audience to want to do something about this. And so I think it's a really, you know, it's kind of like documentary filmmaking. The... as it used to be where you just give people the facts, all the facts, and you say, okay, I'm gonna leave this, I'm going to disturb you for a little bit. What are you going to do about this? And so I think that you know, it's just, it's an issue, that is something that is happening right here. I mean, they're, they're probably half a million people, or more, if not more, because, of course, we don't know exactly how many people who are being sex 

trafficked in this country, in the United States happens in every single city, town, in the country. And I think for me, it's like, it's shocking, but also it's this, this realization that it's not over, once they find their freedom, right, that survivors of sex trafficking goes through all of all of this, this journey, which is so difficult. And then they're able to fight their way out of it. And then what happens? And this movie starts at the end, then what happened? So, you know, we follow women who are who are trying to get back into, you know, just a life where they're not being held hostage, basically. Yeah. And so, you know, we forget that, that survivors how not only to heal their physical pain, but also their, their, their mental anguish, and how does that prevent them from moving forward? So the documentary is about that. And I'm very proud of it. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, as beautiful as a film on that topic can be and I'm grateful to be a part of it. And I hope everyone checks it out. 

Rosalia 24:11 

Yeah, yeah, it is. And, and the directors themselves are just like beautiful human beings. Like they're just, uh, you know, when I found out about their work, and I found out who they are themselves, they're also survivors themselves of child sexual abuse, which which I also find really inspiring that they're open to sharing about because that also just stigmatizes, you know, those who are survivors. So just everything about, you know, who they are and the work that they're doing and how they, they truly care about this, cause there, they have a charity that is, you know, being you know, funded to help survivors like they are doing the work. It's not just them, like, going and, you know, exploiting these stories, it's like they're really caught, you know, conscious of how they're doing this work. So when I found out that you were also part of this, you know, in producing it, I just like made me love you more. So I just think... 

Alyssa Milano 25:08 

I love you too! 

Rosalia 25:09 

Thank you. I just love that you're doing all this work, I truly am grateful that, you know, someone like yourself who has such a huge platform uses your voice, you know, you have your podcast "Sorry, not sorry", which I'm also a fan of and I listened to and I love that you're, you know, taking on these real issues, you know, you're not, like, there's so many people and this isn't to like, shame anybody else. But there's so many people who have a platform that could be using it in so many ways that helps the world. And they're not. And I just I really appreciate when you are doing that in such a way that, you know, you're showing up at protests, you're, you know, putting out podcasts, you're taking time to do this work and help others. And so, you know, I just, I think you're you're just an inspiration in so many ways. And so I just wanted to make sure that everyone in my community knew about you and... 

Alyssa Milano 26:06 

That's so nice, thank you so much. 

Rosalia 26:09 

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. And I want to let everyone know, you know, as we wrap up, you can pick up a copy of "Sorry, not sorry", on all major bookseller selling platforms, I always recommend to check out the local bookstores as well and support those. Check out "Sorry, not sorry", the podcast. The movie Brazen is on Netflix, you can check that out. And of course, if you know there is a screening of support of Surviving Trafficking, please be sure to support that film in your local theaters. It will be out in March, I believe, or April at the latest. But that's another amazing way that you can support survivors. So Alyssa, thank you so very much for being you. I appreciate you. 

Alyssa Milano 26:56 

Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Thank you. Take care. 

Rosalia 26:59 

All right. Take care. Bye everyone.