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Is Grandma Grooming Your Child? Probably Not, But She’s Unintentionally Helping Others Do it.

 A concerned mother direct messaged me on Instagram a few days ago, saying this:

 

“Hey Rosalia, 

 

I have been working on setting boundaries re:consent/abuse prevention for a while now and recently tried to set a boundary with family members asking that they consult with us before purchasing gifts for our kids. 

 

My MIL had a very strong reaction to this request and had tried to pushback ever since. 

 

I’ve had people tell me I’m being rude for asking this of my family members but in my mind this is a way to prevent manipulation tactics and model what safe adults look like for our kids. 

 

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything you’d suggest with regards to how I could explain this boundary better for family members and friends who may be having a hard time with it?”

 

Here’s what I answered:

 

First, I praised her for setting the boundary. For one, it’s her child and her...

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The 5 Things You Need To Know For Safe Sleepovers

Beth Robinson, author of the book "Protecting Children from Predators" says this about how to determine if your child is ready for sleepovers:

  • “Are your children old enough to recognize when someone is trying to engage them in inappropriate sexual behavior? The younger the child, the greater the risk when you let them attend a sleepover. Younger children won’t recognize a risky situation until it is too late.”
  • “Are your children assertive enough to draw attention to inappropriate overtures from other children or adults? Some children have the confidence to yell or push away someone who makes them uncomfortable, while others are too timid to try to stop an adult or older child from hurting them. No child should attend a sleepover who lacks the confidence and assertiveness to rebuff inappropriate sexual behavior.”
  •  “Will your children call you if something unsafe happens at a sleepover? Some children are easily influenced by peers and...
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#Groomer. Definition + Intention

In U.S. law, there is a clear distinction between 1st-degree murder, 2nd-degree murder, and manslaughter.

 

You can also say that they are all the same thing because someone was killed in all those situations.

 

This is how many are currently using the word grooming- as if it encapsulates many cultural issues today.

 

The main distinction between 1st-degree murder, 2nd-degree murder, and manslaughter is their intent.

 

In law, the intent is everything.

 

Same with grooming and why defining this clearly is so important.

 

If we don't have a clear definition, we can call everything grooming.

 

The broad term 'grooming' means to 'prepare someone for something'. But if you are going to say that children are being sexually groomed, then we must be specific about how that word is being applied.

 

My issue is that child sexual grooming means a very specific thing, but the term #groomer is being applied very broadly. The word grooming loses its...

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42 Questions To Ask Your Child's School

For many parents, the end of the calendar year is full of celebration for the holidays, but shortly after is the beginning of a new school year! Usually, this is for parents of young children who are entering school for the very first time.

Understandably, many parents trust schools to be safe spaces. That is what is sold to parents as the 'tradition' that is school.

But how exactly can you be so sure? How can we make sure that schools are following proper safety policies and procedures, and who determines those policies and procedures?

I know as a mom of three, having children in the school system, that I have received the school handbook, which typically has a short section on child safety.

Some schools have a separate child safety handbook, but it's still full of basics that are mostly, so parents have information about what's expected of their child and what the school rules are.

It doesn't typically go in depth about how they make sure that staff are safe persons (we assume the...

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Secret Santa Vs Surprise Santa

It's that time of year when schools/teachers/daycares host 'secret santa' activities.

 

This can be LOTS of fun for little ones, but it's also a great opportunity to educate the adults in your child's life about "Secrets Safety".

 

Here's a letter you can send to your schools principal and/or teacher.

 

I recommend BOTH.

And here's what you can say:

 

Hi [Principal's Name],

 
Happy [Day of the week], hope you're well!
 
I'm writing to ask that if this year any teachers are doing the tradition of 'secret santa', that the school adopt the use of "Surprise Santa" instead. 
 
Secrets are meant to be kept and not revealed (and can be misused by unsafe/tricky people to mislead/manipulate people), whereas surprises are meant to be revealed after a period of time and can make people happy. 
 
This is part of what we are teaching at home regarding secrets safety and can be a useful shift to adopt for kids so...
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Warning Signs of Grooming on ABC7 Good Morning Washington

 
I shared some grooming signs to look for on ABC7 Good Morning Washington on The Mother Side with Eileen Whelan! Tune in to learn what those signs are and what you can do to teach body safety!
 
Thanks for prioritizing this topic Good Morning Washington and Eileen!
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The Global State of Crisis of Sexual Violence Against Children | Brave Movement

 

PLEASE HELP BY SIGNING OUR G7 #BEBRAVE PETITION. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE.

My name is Rosalia and I'm a survivor of childhood sexual violence.

I started this petition with 8 other survivors from the Brave Movement.

We are 9 survivors of childhood sexual violence from G7 countries and beyond. We are urgently calling on leaders of the world’s richest countries to take bold and transformative action when they meet in June to end childhood sexual violence -- so that what happened to us never happens to another child.

Childhood sexual violence is a global scourge, which at least one in five girls and one in ten boys experience.  It has devastating long-term consequences for children, families, and societies.  And the COVID pandemic has exposed children to even greater risk.

Childhood sexual violence is happening now, in silence, in every nation. In family homes, sports, schools, and places of worship. Also across borders, in the form of online abuse,...

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Sorry Not Sorry With Alyssa Milano, Actor, Producer, Mother + Author

 

Rosalia 00:02 

Alyssa Milano is joining me today. I'm so excited, everyone! Thanks for being here, it is Rosalia Rivera. I'm back for another live with Consent Parenting. I'm so excited that you're here because I am thrilled to be joined today by Alyssa Milano. Does she really need an introduction? I will leave that open because you know, she is just... I've been, you know, following her since I was a kid. She's an incredible actress, producer, activist, advocate, mother, author. She's just doing amazing things in the world. And I'm just so grateful that she's taking the time to join me today. When we see her she's here. Yay. Happy to have her and to talk about what we're going to be talking about today. Oh, let me see me. Sure. There we go. Hi. How are you? 

Alyssa Milano 00:59 

I'm good. How are you? 

Rosalia 01:01 

I'm great. I'm excited. You've made my day. You've made my week, you've made my month. 

Alyssa Milano 01:05 

Oh you're so sweet,...

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Teaching Beyond 'Safe & Unsafe Touch'

 

 

Private part safety has many facets. I'll be sharing more about the nuances and intricacies that can help make teaching private part safety less stressful and more comprehensive.

If you have a toddler, you'll want to check out my upcoming workshop that is specifically for parents in this stage and who are wanting to teach private part safety.

Have you started teaching private part safety and did you know to teach about private part exposure?

 

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EXIT STRATEGIES + WHY YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO LEARN THEM

I believe that kids should learn about safe vs unsafe touch so that they recognize when abuse is happening.

 

But that alone is not going to help prevent abuse.

 

I've talked about how a 50/50 rule is best when it comes to a more effective abuse prevention strategy.

 

This means that 50% of your work as a parent, when it comes to sexual abuse prevention, should be to teach your child's circle (family members/relatives, educators, caregivers, etc.) about body safety practices and how to implement them.

 

And the other 50% should be to teach your child about empowering consent education and abuse prevention information (strategically).

 

But where I find most parents miss the boat, in the 50% of teaching their kids, is that they don't equip them with the HOW to exit an unsafe situation and how to report/disclose what happened.

 

Rates of reporting are very low for this reason and it perpetuates the cycle of abuse that a child may be going through. This is...

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