Body Safety Blog

A mom came to me for a consult a while back asking how to deal with her 5-year-old tickling her 3-year-old's privates during bath time.

She was unsure about a few things.

One question she asked was if it was even safe. She wasn't sure that her 5-year-old's behavior was normal, a red flag, learned, or totally innocent. She wondered why her child was doing this since she had been teaching her about body safety and that no one should touch her private parts. She asked if, since it was tickling, it would be considered abuse if it was her child with her younger child.

She wasn't sure how to talk to her child about it besides just firmly telling the child to stop (and this mom found it to be very triggering as she had experienced sibling sexual abuse, so this was freaking her out to see this happening; and looking back on her own experiences made her feel shame and fear that her children would repeat what happened with her- though she was much older with her...

As we prepare to send our children back to school, it’s crucial that we prioritize their safety—both in the classroom and online. Watch my recent discussion with Kimberly King where we highlighted the pressing need for comprehensive body safety education and proactive measures to protect children from abuse and exploitation.

The Importance of Body Safety Education

One of the most critical aspects of child safety in schools is body safety education. Despite the existence of laws like Ein's Law, which mandates body safety education in schools, many educators remain unaware of its requirements.

I always stress the importance of educating teachers and administrators on grooming behaviors and abuse prevention. I'm always urging parents to advocate for these programs in their children’s schools, as they are not always being implemented effectively.

Parents as Advocates and Allies

Parents play a vital role in ensuring that body safety education is...

This was recorded live on Instagram on June 5th 2024. Rosalia was joined by Rhonda Newton and Ramon Rosario.

Rhonda Newton is the CEO and Senior Director of Curriculum of Darkness to Light. She brings over a decade of experience as an educator and curriculum specialist and instructional designer at both the K-12 and university level.

Ramon Rosario is an Instructional Designer at Darkness to Light. He holds a masters degree in Learning Design and Technology has experience working in both private and public higher education institutions. He’s also been privileged to work as an elementary school teacher with functionally diverse students! So he has on the ground experience as well.

 Darkness to Light is a leading prevention organization in the U.S. through awareness raising, education, research, training and stigma reduction! 

Stewards of Children® is their flagship program, which teaches adults how to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual...

When we don't know what's appropriate and what's not, we may miss signs that point to deeper issues that need to be investigated, intervened and resolved.

That's why all safe adults should know what green, yellow and red flag behavior is.

Let's look at each of these scenarios below.

Try to guess which flag each falls under. There is a key below so you can check if you were right or need to better understand these behaviors.

#1- Green flag. This is a teachable moment to explain about self-exploration, what's appropriate and safe, and what's not.

#2- Yellow/Red flag. This is not age appropriate knowledge, and even if what they're explaining is incorrect, they should not be explaining it to a younger sibling. This is worth finding out more about where the 8 year old learned this information. 

#3- Yellow/Red flag. 6th graders are at the cusp of puberty and are very curious about relationships and aspects of dating. But spin the bottle is not age appropriate...

Moms, remember to stay vigilant... 

Sitting in a car, speaking with a Georgian accent, she started sharing about how she discovered that her daughter had been receiving text messages from her 6th-grade teacher- and they were not overtly sexual, but they were definitely inappropriate. They were definitely red-flag grooming messages.

Can you imagine discovering that on your child's phone? Reading things like "Good morning beautiful. Good night beautiful. How was your day beautiful?" and sending your child songs that are not for kids, with innuendos that most definitely infer romantic or sexual desire!

I wouldn't blame you if you were outrageously upset! And this mom was definitely freaked out about the types of messages she was reading.

The mom did the right next thing and reported this inappropriate communication from the teacher to her daughter, to the school. She found out that the teacher was texting 4 of the girls in his class this way.

The school...

KEEP KIDS SAFE

“CONTENT WARNING” AND “TRIGGER WARNING.”

Erin Merryn joins me to talk about Erin's Law that mandates schools to provide body safety education for grades K-12 in the United States. 38 states have passed the law and in this episode we talk about why she became a champion for schools to teach this education and what the results have been since passing the law in those states. She shares her own personal story of survival, and leadership.

Time Stamps:

0:02 Intro

2:30 What Is Erin's Law

7:10 Erin's Story of Abuse

9:33 Erin's diary as an outlet for anger

14:13 When predators are getting away with abusing one child

16:45 Children's advocacy centers

23:20 What did his sister do?

30:14 Erin's Law in Ohio

33:26 What's the fear of Planned Parenthood

38:16 What can parents do to advocate for this law

41:18 The importance of writing a letter to your legislator

46:53 Principals' lunch buddies program

49:56 If the law is not passed, this is what needs to be talked about in...

One of the most essential safety skills your child should learn is the difference between secrets, privacy, and surprises. I mean, have you ever thought about it? Do you even know the difference? And more importantly, do your kids?

When I had my first child, I used to think I knew the difference, but it turns out I didn't. And that's okay because it's never too late to learn and educate ourselves as parents. Here's a little story to illustrate my point.

So, I have three kiddos, and when my oldest was potty training, I read somewhere that giving them a little treat, like a chocolate chip, every time they successfully used the potty could be a good idea. And let me tell you, it worked like a charm! But, of course, I didn't want the other two to feel left out or start asking for treats too. So, I told my child that we had to keep it a secret between us so that no one else would know about the chocolate chips.

Looking back, I realized that was a big mistake. Secrets...

Answering Inevitable Questions

How would your parents have reacted if you had asked them this question? Maybe something like 'Why the heck are you asking about that?', or 'Where did you hear that dirty phrase?' or "Don't be asking about things like that?" in either angry, panicked, or shameful tones!

When I was a kid/tween or teen, I knew that asking my mom ANYTHING that had to do with S.E.X. was OFF THE TABLE. No, sir, was I going to raise my mom's wrath!

And also, I figured she might not even know because she NEVER talked about sex.

But I knew, from the start of having kids, that I didn't want to be that way. I knew that I wanted to raise my kids in a sex-positive home that was safe and trustworthy.

That's easy on paper.

It's a nice picture in my head.

The reality (once I had kids) is that it felt scary AF (if I'm being honest).

Fortunately, I've had experts like Melissa Carnagey of Sex Positive Families and Amy Lang of Birds Bees...

 A concerned mother direct messaged me on Instagram a few days ago, saying this:

“Hey Rosalia, 

 

I have been working on setting boundaries re:consent/abuse prevention for a while now and recently tried to set a boundary with family members asking that they consult with us before purchasing gifts for our kids. 

 

My MIL had a very strong reaction to this request and had tried to pushback ever since. 

 

I’ve had people tell me I’m being rude for asking this of my family members but in my mind this is a way to prevent manipulation tactics and model what safe adults look like for our kids. 

 

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything you’d suggest with regards to how I could explain this boundary better for family members and friends who may be having a hard time with it?”

Here’s what I answered:

First, I praised her for setting the boundary. For one, it’s her child and her...