Questions to Ask Your Child After Family Gatherings (Or Anytime They're In The Care Of Others)

Have you checked in with your kids today? 💬❤️

The questions we ask our kids can do so much more than spark conversations—they create a safe space for them to share, connect, and even raise concerns.

If you’re navigating parenthood with the belief that “it couldn’t happen to my kid” (NMK syndrome), these check-ins become even more essential. Regular, intentional conversations can be a game-changer for building trust and ensuring your child feels seen and supported.

The holidays often mean extra time spent at family events, holiday parties, or with caregivers as parents manage hectic schedules. Festive gatherings might involve extended family, friends of the family, or babysitters—people your child may not know well or see often. That’s why holiday check-ins are so important.

You may feel you can trust everyone at the gathering, but because 90% of abuse happens by people you know and trust, it’s important to check in with your child.

And it’s not just adults that are a risk factor, it’s also older, stronger or same-aged children may engage in inappropriate and abusive behaviors.

Making these conversations routine—even after joyful, uneventful gatherings—shows your child that their voice matters and that you’re always there to listen.

Here are general, emotional, safety, interaction-specific, holiday-specific, empowerment and support, as well as non-verbal questions you can ask... 

General Experience Questions:

 “What was your favorite part of the day/night?”

 “Did you play any fun games or do anything new?”

 “Who did you spend the most time with?”

“Did anything happen that surprised you?”

 "What made you smile the most today?"

 "What was your favorite thing to play or do?"

Emotional and Safety Questions:

 "Did anything make you feel yucky or not-so-happy today?"

 "Was there something you didn’t like or didn’t want to do?"

 "Is there anything you want to tell me about today?"

“How did you feel while you were there?”

"Did you see anything that was really fun or really silly?"

“Were there any parts you didn’t like?”

 “Was there anything that made you feel weird, scared, or uncomfortable?”

 “If something felt wrong or confusing, would you feel okay telling me about it?”

Interaction-Specific Questions:

“Who did you enjoy spending time with the most?”

“Was there anyone you didn’t like spending time with?”

“Did anyone say or do anything that seemed unusual or confusing to you?”

 "Who did you play with today? What games did you play?"

 "Did anyone do something you didn’t like or didn’t understand?"

 "Did anyone ask you to do something you didn’t want to do?"

Holiday-Specific/Family-Gathering Questions:

"What was the best part of the holiday fun today?"

 "Was there anyone at the party you didn’t like being around?"

 "Did you like spending time with [specific person, e.g., Grandma, Cousin Tim]?"

"What was your favorite part of today’s holiday activities?"

 "Was there anything about today’s celebration that felt a little different or strange to you?"

 "Did you meet anyone new or see someone you haven’t seen in a while? How did you feel about it?"

Empowerment and Support Questions:

"What would you want to change about the way we do holiday traditions to make them even more fun or comfortable?"

 "Is there something you wish we talked about more during these check-ins?"

"Do you feel there’s a way we could make it easier for you to talk to me anytime?"

 "Do you know you can tell me anything, anytime?"

 "Can you show me with your face or hands if something made you feel happy or sad?"

For Nonverbal or Preverbal Children:

 (You can adapt check-ins using play or visuals)

Use emotion cards or simple drawings and ask, "Can you show me which one is how you feel about [specific event/person]?"

Offer choices, e.g., "Did you have more fun playing with toys or eating snacks today?"

Observe their body language and reactions as cues to explore further if they seem hesitant or uneasy.

 Use specific, binary options about experiences. Example: "Was [specific activity] fun, or not fun?"

Show them pictures or symbols of activities or events (e.g., eating, playing, meeting people) and ask them to point to what they enjoyed or didn’t like.

 Offer crayons or markers and ask them to draw how they felt during an event. Example: "Can you draw what made you happy or sad?"

Questions to Avoid:

Leading questions: "Did anyone/[specific person] touch you inappropriately?" while well-intentioned, this can make a child feel pressured to give a particular answer or may confuse them.

 Questions that suggest judgment: "Why didn’t you tell me if something bad happened?" can induce guilt and inhibit openness.

Best Practices for Check-Ins

Regularly talk about body safety and boundaries so your child knows they can approach you with concerns.

 Let your child know that they will not be in trouble for sharing anything and that your goal is to ensure their safety and happiness.

Watch for non-verbal cues.  A child may hesitate, avoid eye contact, or show discomfort if something bothers them. Gently explore this without pressure.

Create space for later disclosures. If your child seems reluctant to talk, reassure them that they can always share later: "If there’s anything you want to tell me later, you can always come to me."

If you have questions or have come to realize that something is wrong or you suspect abuse has happened, please see my blog post on parental attunement here. It shares information on what specific questions to ask, how to respond to your child if they disclose abuse, and next steps to take.

If you're in need of a consultation with me, please see this link for more information.