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Body Safety Blog

A more in-depth analysis on all things body safety, boundaries, consent and current events.

Secrets, Surprises + Privacy

One of the most essential safety skills your child should learn is the difference between secrets, privacy, and surprises. I mean, have you ever thought about it? Do you even know the difference? And more importantly, do your kids?

 

When I had my first child, I used to think I knew the difference, but it turns out I didn't. And that's okay because it's never too late to learn and educate ourselves as parents. Here's a little story to illustrate my point.

 

So, I have three kiddos, and when my oldest was potty training, I read somewhere that giving them a little treat, like a chocolate chip, every time they successfully used the potty could be a good idea. And let me tell you, it worked like a charm! But, of course, I didn't want the other two to feel left out or start asking for treats too. So, I told my child that we had to keep it a secret between us so that no one else would know about the chocolate chips.

 

Looking back, I realized that was a big mistake. Secrets...

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Is Grandma Grooming Your Child? Probably Not, But She’s Unintentionally Helping Others Do it.

 A concerned mother direct messaged me on Instagram a few days ago, saying this:

 

“Hey Rosalia, 

 

I have been working on setting boundaries re:consent/abuse prevention for a while now and recently tried to set a boundary with family members asking that they consult with us before purchasing gifts for our kids. 

 

My MIL had a very strong reaction to this request and had tried to pushback ever since. 

 

I’ve had people tell me I’m being rude for asking this of my family members but in my mind this is a way to prevent manipulation tactics and model what safe adults look like for our kids. 

 

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything you’d suggest with regards to how I could explain this boundary better for family members and friends who may be having a hard time with it?”

 

Here’s what I answered:

 

First, I praised her for setting the boundary. For one, it’s her child and her...

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Exit Strategies + WHY Your Child Needs To Learn Them

I believe that kids should learn about safe vs unsafe touch so that they recognize when abuse is happening.

 

But that alone is not going to help prevent abuse.

 

I've talked about how a 50/50 rule is best when it comes to a more effective abuse prevention strategy.

 

This means that 50% of your work as a parent, when it comes to sexual abuse prevention, should be to teach your child's circle (family members/relatives, educators, caregivers, etc.) about body safety practices and how to implement them.

 

And the other 50% should be to teach your child about empowering consent education and abuse prevention information (strategically).

 

But where I find most parents miss the boat, in the 50% of teaching their kids, is that they don't equip them with the HOW to exit an unsafe situation and how to report/disclose what happened.

 

Rates of reporting are very low for this reason and it perpetuates the cycle of abuse that a child may be going through. This is...

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