Body Safety Blog

A mom came to me for a consult a while back asking how to deal with her 5-year-old tickling her 3-year-old's privates during bath time.

She was unsure about a few things.

One question she asked was if it was even safe. She wasn't sure that her 5-year-old's behavior was normal, a red flag, learned, or totally innocent. She wondered why her child was doing this since she had been teaching her about body safety and that no one should touch her private parts. She asked if, since it was tickling, it would be considered abuse if it was her child with her younger child.

She wasn't sure how to talk to her child about it besides just firmly telling the child to stop (and this mom found it to be very triggering as she had experienced sibling sexual abuse, so this was freaking her out to see this happening; and looking back on her own experiences made her feel shame and fear that her children would repeat what happened with her- though she was much older with her...

 A concerned mother direct messaged me on Instagram a few days ago, saying this:

“Hey Rosalia, 

 

I have been working on setting boundaries re:consent/abuse prevention for a while now and recently tried to set a boundary with family members asking that they consult with us before purchasing gifts for our kids. 

 

My MIL had a very strong reaction to this request and had tried to pushback ever since. 

 

I’ve had people tell me I’m being rude for asking this of my family members but in my mind this is a way to prevent manipulation tactics and model what safe adults look like for our kids. 

 

Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything you’d suggest with regards to how I could explain this boundary better for family members and friends who may be having a hard time with it?”

Here’s what I answered:

First, I praised her for setting the boundary. For one, it’s her child and her...