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Teaching Kids About Self Exploration + Safe Vs Unsafe Touch

 

Body literacy is what we are teaching our kids when we teach them the names of their private parts and about the functions of those parts. This can greatly reduce the risks of sexual abuse.

Here's why.

 

Our (as in everyone's) genitalia, unless medically different, has the most concentration of nerve endings than any other part of the body. It's one of the reasons kids notice this very sensitive part of the body when they begin to have physical self-awareness.

 

This typically happens before or around the time of potty training, which is when they are transitioning to other materials covering those areas of the body (from diaper to underwear) and it makes the sensations of those areas felt more prominently.

 

As kids develop more physical self-awareness, it's natural (and normal) for a child to explore their body and those areas in particular. We don't want to shame this self-exploration/self-pleasure because it is part of healthy development and builds body positivity.

 

Kids should learn the correct anatomical names of their private parts, including their functions. This can include teaching boys/penis owners about erections if you notice that they are noticing/experiencing that, so they understand that it's a normal function. This also includes teaching clitoris owners about the clitoris's sensitivity, if you notice they are rubbing themselves against things or touching that area often.

 

So, what does this have to do with body safety?

 

If a child is taught that touching private parts is "bad touch" and they're also not being educated about body literacy and body safety (what's safe/not safe, appropriate/not appropriate), then a predator can take advantage of their lack of education around body safety, and trick a child into allowing private part touch.

 

Only Use Words Like: SAFE/UNSAFE 

or OK/NOT-OK TOUCH

 

If you teach that touching private parts is bad, yet your child touches that area and it feels good, your child could be very confused if an offender tries to touch them and their genitals respond (unintentionally/unwillingly).

 Many survivors talk about the guilt of their genitals feeling aroused despite the horrendous experience, and being confused and guilt-ridden that they felt a good sensation. Not because they liked the touch, but because they thought something was wrong with them for experiencing a physical response.

The trauma and unwillingness of the non-consensual experience remained, and they felt that their body betrayed them. Not having body literacy contributed to their shame/guilt, which could have been avoided had they known that their body was physiologically responding and that it wasn't their fault.

Furthermore, the abuser will use that physical response as a sort of blackmail to tell the child that since their body responded, they must have wanted it. They will make the child feel like they invited it, or were somehow implicated in the abuse- even though obviously that was not the case.

 

But if that child has been educated at home that that part of the body is meant to feel good, AND that anyone touching them besides themselves (or that anyone asking the child to touch their privates) is unsafe and not ok, then, the abuser/person who attempts to trick the child would not be able to manipulate the child.

Your child would be much more likely to tell/report the abuse because they would understand that it was not their fault, their body responded because that's what bodies might do, and they should feel no shame for what the abuser did to them (because the shame should only ever be on the abuser).

  

Kids don't experience self-exploration/self-touch in the same erotic way that we think and do as adults.

 

There are no 'impure' thoughts that 'take away' their innocence by doing this activity- which for a child is much more about self-soothing/self-regulating than anything else. Kids become more empowered about their bodies and their safety by knowing more about their own biology.


 

Furthermore, helping children learn safe boundaries and safeguards around self-exploration also reduces the likelihood that they will be victimized by others, including peers. This means teaching your child that no one should explore their private parts, that your child should not explore the private parts of others, and that it's a private activity that they should not do with anyone else. And teaching them about the concept of privacy, so that they know that if they want to explore their bodies that they must do it privately.

So when you teach:

  •  the correct anatomical names for genitals
  • the functions of those genitals (including that there are concentrated nerve endings in that area of the body)
  • that self-exploration is ok/normal as part of body literacy
  • body safety and safeguards for self-exploration 
  • what privacy means (and how to practice it)
  • what safe vs unsafe touch (and not use the words good touch vs bad touch)
  • what to do if someone tries to inappropriately touch them
  • how to report unsafe touch

then, you're teaching body literacy and body safety, combined. Teaching children age-appropriate, evidence-based, shame-free body literacy and body safety- comprehensively, is key to helping kids stay safe and reduce the risks for abuse.

An educated child is far less vulnerable to abuse, less attractive to a predator (because they'll know that child won't be easily tricked/manipulated) and less likely to be targeted for grooming.

SO! Are you ready to start teaching comprehensive private parts safety to your child?

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